September 11, 2012

I woke up this morning cranky. I briefly but pointedly snarked at both the future hubby, and grumbled about having to drive all the way across town to drop off the boysies at school and then all the way back, plus, to get to work.

On the trip leg leading to work, I switched on CPR/NPR and heard, right up front and first thing, that today is the 11th Anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks.

Two thoughts crossed my mind in quick consecutive order. First: all this bitchiness of mine must be related to the general miasma related to the date. And second: I am so lucky to have my boys, to have a car, to have a job. It's time to shut up, now.

Of course, like many of us, when I realized the significance of the date, I remembered not where I was, but how I felt when I saw that image of the plane puncturing the side of the tower. The smoke. The woman who jumped. The white powdery dust. The shock on thousands upon thousands of faces.

I wept today.

When I was young, selfish and very immature, I could understand why and how individuals and groups could become violent in defense of their beliefs. Some people begin open minded and become rigid; my path was from fear to freedom. I'm very lucky.

The people who want war, terror, sanctions, exclusivity, in a word, power over others are living in fear - a constant, unwavering fear - of the loss of some thing. Sentimentality over things has always baffled me. A human life cannot be replaced. Once it's gone it's gone. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. But things can be replaced.

Enmity with some one because they are a different color, religion, ethnicity or because they dress or speak or move differently is, well, very immature. It brings to mind the nature of a two-year-old who only knows that he wants what he wants and he will do whatever he can to get it and keep it. It's understandable in a two-year-old, but by the time a person reaches three, the lessons on tolerance, acceptance, diversity and sharing, of all the human-forsaken things, should be in the curriculum.

The hardest part is this: How can we, quite literally, turn the other cheek? We must come to understand, collectively, that resistance only creates resistance. To win a "war on terror" we cannot be afraid, and we cannot meet terror with violence. They are simply different words for the same thing - Fear.

From your non religious writer, I recommend that if you are religious, pray to your god to learn how to forgive - everything - starting with yourself. If you are non-religious but spiritual then reflect on the nature of fear and the nature of peace. If you are atheist or agnostic, try examining the properties of Newtonian Physics and thermodynamics. These are principals that function in the human dynamic as well. And if you are like me - all of the above and more.

Now, I'm going to get up tomorrow and try to remember, for my own peace, that I am here, now. That I am grateful for all the unremembered little things and try to remember those, too. And that driving my boys all the way across town so they can attend a school we chose is an enormous privilege.

M. Kate McCulloch